Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I had to do these things when I got here.
Most of them got done.
Just a few important points left,
The respect I have for those.
In every little nook.
The noise filling the silence.
That's all it does I guess.
Noise, thunder, tracks of small absences in the mud.
Then the noise ends,

And here we are again.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Sandra Bland

I still feel queasy.
My first thoughts, though, whenever I write these troubles down, go elsewhere.
How many cops I know.
Friends, family.
Good people. I think of them.
I'm still queasy. I almost feel like I want to throw up.
They have children, most of them raise them right.
They are respectful and, though some of them I know can be brusque, I like them.
I'm still looking at pictures, hashtags, major sites, the alt websites, too.
There's a picture where she looks haggard, in that orange jumpsuit.
She's missing the smile from every other picture of her online.
She looks hollow.
Where did she go?

There's this thing where you're all lumped together.
You're identified one way, and there are bad seeds.
Not even bad seeds.
Seeds choked in poor soil.
That have grown up into twisted adults, contorting and biasing the rest of our realities.
I have this feeling, about halfway down my chest.
I'm queasy.
I'm really upset about this.
She's a normal lookin woman in most of what I see online.
She's clearly someone who speaks her mind.
I know a lot of women who speak their mind.
I don't know that many black women.
I'm still queasy.
There's no denial that it was just a failure to signal a turn?
They don't deny that it was more than that?
That she's expected to get out of her car for that?
It's daylight.
That a cigarette matters.
Are you serious?
You don't have to immediately do anything they say, right?
Anything? They aren't human?

It's just this deep feeling, it sits under everything else I think about for the last hour.
What's a bad seed. Is it twisted poisoned soil?
I want to be the one who talks back.
But apparently.

I'm queasy.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Enjoys pressing the undersides of mugs and glasses on fabric to leave behind wet rings of condensation on clothing.

Words dribbled onto canvas.
Fears and childish thoughts rippled outward from churning inner space while the world is quiet.
Never quite sure where the line is.
Knowing the line is just a construct.
Categories, buckets, simplicities for the sake of making life easier.

Wanting to navigate those more complex waters, seeing wonder and satisfaction.
Thrilled with the universe.
Nervous about drowning.
A dull hum slowly resonating.
Like the noise of the grain of timbers softened and finished for tabletops and chairs and counters.

Flipping the sweatshirt on and off again.
Twirling the smooth fabric inside out and outside in and the moment of warmth.
Against the moment of those sleeves just that inch too far.
Those sleeves, to toy with them, tug at them, pull them back.
Or use them to cover the fist, wrapped and tucked away. Safe.

It's a moment.
Dribbled out across the pavement like coffee dripping from a cracked travel mug.
No longer useful, after only a year.
Not even a mocha now. Coffee with some half and half and sugar.
Stopped getting whip cream every time on mochas.

That was forever ago, and that was never planned.
Pressing some more condensation into pant legs, the darkening temporary moisture.
Gone back into the air, or whatever it does so rapidly.
Pushing the sleeve back, settled hands in the old familiar manner.

Monday, January 19, 2015

S'all good
The fools the rhythms
   the steps mistaken
Faltered right now
Foundation shaken
I guess it was always too fundamental
About the truths
   Crushed + shattered
Under others
Plagued + uttered
Breath frosty
Always costs me
Stooped + questioned
These things you told me
I got roiled
Thrown + tripping
Still I'm stepping
When I'm told

But 3 landings runways cold
Next steps
Next steps
I think that's good
Done for now, not for good
Next steps next steps
Jittered sips
Coffee's cold, footing slips

Next steps,
Next steps
I think I can
I'm ready now
Let's play this plan

Monday, November 3, 2014

What I want
What I hope
What do I these?
The tender touch
The sweet green leaf holding the dew aloft
The fresh chill that makes these coarse sheets
so warm
A brush with daybreak.
The eternal sunrise
Which will end far from now
But for now it tends to us impassively
The fiery hearth of a star.
Against the cold and the dark
Wandering in the black winds
Of this galaxy
While I take comfort,
One I wish for all,
Of coarse sheets heated by warm being.

Friday, December 6, 2013

shakes a little.
fingers twitching
concentration completely lost
sometimes there are subtleties. but other times there are not.
it's not okay
finding out what's okay.
knowing what's okay
feeling what the fuck is the awkward
sometimes I want to know what it's like to be female.
and then I get to watch the beats and rhythms of the ceaseless male come-on.
it's okay, you know, to dig someone.
and to say it.
but then the tools carve too deep.
and you gotta learn this one isn't yours.

there are others.
fuck, there are so many others.
and so why push so hard when you fucked up this time.
maybe the next point is yours. but geez I've still got the tension from these muscles and bones crawling up my back.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Know it well
There are doors within.
Into all the other halls.
And they can bring you outside.
If you open them.
You might be inside.
I'm inside too.
I'd rather the air circulate.
I need the warmth sometimes.
But mostly I want the cool breeze.
It moves my heart.