The concern falls from the ceiling,
crashing to ground.
My breathing stays steady,
I'm not sure how.
Words and meanings mix in the mind,
Filtered through muck.
Stricken with a weird feeling I can't tell,
Is it all just dumb luck?
I should feel anger and fear and frustration.
There's this deep seated numbness instead.
Go through motions when I'm supposed to react.
Trapped and afraid for the wrong reasons.
I don't know the beats.
I don't know when to change the time.
I only know I'm off somewhere.
There's that feeling that should stick,
But it doesn't.
I know what should happen and shouldn't.
This shouldn't happen.
They shouldn't happen.
But they do.
And I know that, too.
I'm not as surprised as I should be.
The rhythms are there, the drums bear out their beats.
I'm scared to admit that the cynic in me expects this.
And when it hits, I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say or where to go.
I feel like at these points all I can give is my silence.
And wish there had only been silence, and no fury.