Monday, April 15, 2013

Where do my eyes drift to when I don't know the words?

The concern falls from the ceiling,
crashing to ground.
My breathing stays steady,
I'm not sure how.
Words and meanings mix in the mind,
Filtered through muck.
Stricken with a weird feeling I can't tell,
Is it all just dumb luck?

I should feel anger and fear and frustration.
There's this deep seated numbness instead.
Go through motions when I'm supposed to react.

Trapped and afraid for the wrong reasons.
I don't know the beats.
I don't know when to change the time.
I only know I'm off somewhere.

There's that feeling that should stick,
But it doesn't.

I know what should happen and shouldn't.
This shouldn't happen.
They shouldn't happen.
But they do.
And I know that, too.
I'm not as surprised as I should be.
The rhythms are there, the drums bear out their beats.

I'm scared to admit that the cynic in me expects this.
And when it hits, I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say or where to go.
I feel like at these points all I can give is my silence.
And wish there had only been silence, and no fury.