far afar afield the scoundrels

ravaged towns and ports

twisted in their joyful troubles

broken disregard for hearts

men and boys and slanted beasties

picking fights on ships

sought locales, exotic beauties

died as vicious fools

mothers held them once to breast

fathers they never knew

awash in sorrow, failed the test

o grace wanted their souls

it's a missing light that blinds.

it's these dark spots in my eyes that burn the brightest.

tempted by knowledge,

fooled by secrets,

endlessly struggling against a villain that sniggers with mirth.

I'm not so blind any more,

and yet my steps are cautious,

as if I'm wandering the dark.

I'm lost in hesitation and certainties of nothing.

twining around the finger of fate and flooded in fears.

he's a gentle one,

and she's no rougher,

but the words cut just deeper.

there is that feeling of loss in knowing,

that bleak knowledge wanting to drown.

and cheshires grinning.

and time laughs full out.

but mere sensation brings me round.

knowing that my nerves serve the moment.

and my heart serves the infinite.

and my breath serves the all

in you and me.

3/7/12 At night

And words that linger

Settle on my tongue like snowflakes

Mixed with the dirt on my gloves

Bitter and crunchy.

But my lips taste only cool

My eyes this white marred by the reflections of the trees in the shards of crystals

Crystals arising from imperfect molecules

Wound outward to nothing

This weather lasts as long as I let it.

Flakes fall in waves

I cannot tell whether this night will be long

And whether these waves will blanket the rocky ground

Into obscurity.

iPod Poems

(February 6th, 2010)

Poem
Investor
Filling orders requested
As signs dwell between past and present
I am in those spaces
Are you listening as particles collide over me
New noises and new toys to make me known
Don't deny me my existence
In this hungry place the liberty is satisfying my cravings
Quietly I dwell
As the afternoon sun hides from warming me
But cool air can do nothing to reslice the past
Thanks to those who make me nervous
I need you plenty as I need noone else

(July 25th, 2010)

Pome
I am a loner
I use others to feed my selfish desires.
They are there for me
Am I there for them?
Am I
Am I?
First steps always, right?
Then what?
Then wind me up and let me go
Out on my own
Subtleties and vagaries
Weave nothing below my mottled surface
Ah fuck you
I am sorry I treated you so
Shelved with no place to go
In my little universe you were trapped
My little universe is selfish
I have so little power I'm told
But I don't believe you.
I think I am incredibly powerful.
And in this delusion of mine I am sorry.
Even outside I am sorry.
I am using my own desires to stall these pathways
To block these highways
These highways
My highways
Your flaking roadways
And you still smile
A sad smile
Thank you.

(August 2nd, 2010)
How tragic some realities become
When perception is limited
We know nothing
A war vet blind to all but his crisp appearance
Begging on these streets
A facade perhaps
And cynicism turns round opinions so quick
But meanwhile the poor man stands grinning and hopeful
His mind a shell of its wasted potential
His mind is gone
For reasons I will not know
I will leave him behind this afternoon
He will keep on being
I am sorry til my perception turns elsewhere
But he will still be
His world will still turn
And I don't know even how I will treat him while my perception of him is strong
He is simple in my eyes
And I pass over the layers subtle in his eyes
Sorry
What more am I willing to be?

But my body was like a harp and her words and gestures were like fingers running upon the wires. -James Joyce, Dubliners

Sent from my iPod

April 10th

Settle underneath the pleasant sky,
And moments fall into place so softly.
When fingers twine and twist and seek companions
That's when green grass is underfoot.

Take me away o beautiful shaded tree.
Let's run and upset the heavy sidewalk.
Crush it from below and lightly step above.
My footfalls are nothing to the earth.

When I root down and plant myself, though,
I have all the earth to support me.
When heavens fall and giants strike
I know the ground underneath is my rock.

Floating through eternal nothingness
This rock is even less than me.
I find strength nonetheless
In this green and glorious beauty.

4/9/11

Sometimes it's hard to go on,
When no one thinks anything's wrong.
While festering wounds wait to scar,
And nothing seems very far,
You wait and hope for a clue,
Just give you the slightest damn what-to-do.

But things go up and back down,
Those little wounds stick around.
And you're left all alone,
Wanting to go home,
But the way you can't find
You start to feel blind
The words ring false
You can't feel the pulse
Faster and clear
The end so near
Twisted
Conflicted
Hurt
Pained
It won't go away
Troubled
Concerned
Worried
Torn.

But maybe you can be reborn.

April 6

You find me a rhythm,
You bring me a rhyme,
I turn you away,
To twist up my time.

At every new step,
Your way lights up clear,
I screw shut my eyes,
I'm blind when I'm here.

The answers you offer,
They seem to be true,
I won't let them in,
It's all I can do.

And when the morn comes,
My heart so asleep,
You've woken and gone,
Left nothing to reap.

April 5

Stretch
Muscle
Straining against these bizarre twistings of self.
How do you describe this pull?
When you stretch?
And stretch.
Taut and still the days get more and more taut.
Settle in with me.
In a rut.
And I won't want to leave it.
I may want to stand, but it hurts so much more to do so.
I settle in.
Taut.

April 4th, 2011

I'm not fucking around.
I'm not fucking around.

These wound through me.
Threads thinly spread over spaces and chasms and fine cracks.
It is crushing the bits.

Twisted round.
Around. FUCKING these chasms of knowing.
And feeling a tattered presence.
Spin into.

When is it heard?
Let the brain aerate.
Lightening in dizzying moments of freedom.
Wander into joy and heights of consciousness and watch my brain get vertigo.
Sheer breath.

Breathe through in darkness and leaden lips and eyes.
When the ecstasy exists, it follows me down into those moments of my closed eyes.
Fake it
IF EKL:fj;dkasj
that's what it always mean.s
when you look at me.
i can't see without knowing and knowing and fading further into these points of uncertainty felled as nothing but the air between my outstretched hands.
hurting.
when his words move my lips and he asks me for joy. he asks for anything.

and I fall back into it.

the nothing, pt. 1

he wound his way through the wreckage,
settling on a sight afar,
past crumbling buildings torn apart
from long-expected war.

his figure small his pace uneven
the man a shadow only
nothing stirred but canyons howling
sighing, "oh how lonely."

trudging on beyond all land
at the edge of nothing
cause nothing was all was left
the negative space, numbing.

under arching home
spaces that leave the body peace
sensitive pauses

I make plans and I make moves
I make these choices and lose the grooves
Watching her step out to the brink
These tentative spaces let me think
And so it goes that all is here
In moments she stops and waits so near
But fallen not she's just in stride
Comfortably close, by my side.

fluid rains in mental graciousness
were settled further from our legions
plaintive cries chaos rendered motionless
feel trepidation ranking all the higher.

when you fall into places and questions and phases unseen
you'll know where I've been
fleets and fleeting moments pass in stark daylight
wars of existence thrown about with absolute certainty of the sacredness
of life
and it blows by with myriad rains and floods and waves that wash into watercolors
sweet soft memories
that though I'm young
were whispers and tales that I have seen worlds crumble under the worn rubber
of my shoes
in these hours all passes by quickly.
how soon the light rises.
how soon our days begin again.
a day begins
while I sleep and hope that I'm not left too far in its wake.
sometimes I know that it all is a question of unspeakable importance
in this mind I live
this anxious heart and soul
turns and tortures itself
but blankness will do me in shortly.
so what of it?
what of
it?

If you had my answer
And you weren't satisfied
What then could we do?

If I blew away
All my so called desires
Where then would I be?

As time keeps unwinding
I unfold into less and less
Than I ever was at the start.

When you and me
Are here in these spaces
Between the lines.

I don't make statements
I only have questions.
I can't answer.

I think I know
What's in your heart
But I can't say it.

So go your way
To the end of the line
And don't look down.

I knew where
You were headed today
But I can't say it.

today's poem

presses hard and follows me into space
with nothing but this quickness of breath I fall
and through your loving embrace I am blanketed
blankets fall along with the questions of you
you
dammit I know you
and I know where you are
within all these questions I have made my decisions
they lie within my spaces
my neurons
firing squads of synapses settling into more questions
questions, always these fucking things
I think I pretend to not know when I know what I think
I don't have anything but doubts about these realities living in me
freefalling
in comfortable space sitting at this small table
staring at this screen
and I am empty within
this vessel of a universe within a greater question of god
who is it
what are you asking of me?
and if you don't ask me
then I will give you no help
I give no help
I fall with no hands beside me
I am sorry for it
I am sorry for it
for all these wandering failures through me
vapid
it's all vapid.
you know.

12/14/09

I support the status quo
In action only.

You ignorant pigs
Chewing all you're fed and shitting it back to the system
Step outside your fucking box.
And see the blackened skies
A tool until the end
I stand beside you yelling
We're in this together.
But you're watching the television
Checking the latest shit as it rolls across the screen.
Collect your drivel, your spam, your waste of life.
I can't watch this go on.
Your story is someone else's, you bought it with your Visa.
I hope the end is worth it,
Cause the journey wasn't.

12/2/2009

Rocks crawl
Melancholy souls simmer
Pages deluded by ink

November 2009

I.

I fought unknown forces
I tackled my demons unseen
Through forests of nerves and sinews
I wondered when it would end.
And you I sought through it all
A glorious vision of peace
I wrap my arms around you
Let my tension release.

I am a knight in the night
I have journeyed for days and not years
I'm seeking the roots of a quest
That plays upon all of my fears.

II.

Burn with passion
And life will alight
I said to her
It'll be alright
Don't step out your door
Until you're ready for a ride

Said she'd do as I told
Even though she was scared
I'm scared too, babe
But life needs the thrills.
So we took it together
And tore through to space

I wanted more
And I wanted you more
And more kept on coming
Still I kept on the gas.

January, no it's February

Investor
Filling orders requested
As signs dwell between past and present
I am in those spaces
Are you listening as particles collide over me?
New noises and new toys to make me known
Don't deny me my existence
In this hungry place the liberty is satisfying my cravings
Quietly I dwell
As the afternoon sun hides from warming me
But cool air can do nothing to reslice the past
Thanks to those who make me nervous
I need you plenty as I need no one else.

When I wanted
Things were easy
Now wanting is not enough.
Taking means the world
While I give my soul to stop.
You could take me away
And everything would remain.
Don't let me change,
For the world will swallow and leave me breathless.
Translation errors destroy
And you leave my country
New but not different.

Electric wires
Killing with noise and power
Coursing through this life-source
Stinging with new life.
So raw and yet,
Tamed unbelievable
What did they used to tsay
About me?
Back in HS
When larger worlds mattered less
And now there's more that matters
But it still seems less
Just changes constantly
It's baseball time now
And softball time, too.
I might play softball.